In the ensuing chaos we try to talk to people about the tragedy, as we step over the bodies of ex-subscribers piled high outside the gates. Here and there, figures can be seen shambling through the mist; bedside me a young man is in a fetal curl. muttering something disconsolate and incoherent, and sobbing quietly into the twisted rags of his “I Love Darkbee” T-shirt. Further along, some members of the WeeBitch clan are chanting protest slogans and writing letters to their local representatives. “I just don’t know why they did it” one blurts out to me. “Don’t they love us anymore? What have we done to deserve this? Why are the buttons in different places? Why have our gods abandoned us?” .

It’s a constant mantra, but occasionally we find signs of hope. We caught up with part-time player and pundit CaptainCupCake, known for his sanguine and laconic approach, who shrugged: “It’s not the end of the world is it? I like the changes, keep up the good works lads”. But this wholesome attitude seems a guttering candle of optimism amid the darkness of anger, guilt and despair.

The scale of the disaster has been unprecedented. Our hearts go out to the dozen or so players who have experienced loss and trauma. You’ll be happy to know that WeeWarTimes will be setting up a hotline for victims, and charity events (meat raffle, tombola, garden fete, and egg and spoon race) are being scheduled as we speak. We have five “We hate Flash” T-shirts for each lucky winner!

In the meantime, it’s clear that the development team behind the game could benefit from some sage advice from our in-house panel of experts, and for the swathes of players threatening to produce their own version of the game, we have something special for you: “A Bluffer’s Guide to WeeWar Development.”

BLUFFERS GUIDE TO WEEWAR DEVELOPMENT

0. Introduction
Want to write your own WeeWaresque game? It’s easy if you know how: all you need is this guide and a good computer with a nice, shiny, large screen (it’s important to have the right tools for the job, which is the main differentiator between the pros and amateurs and the talented and talentless). You’ll also need oodles of confidence – which shouldn’t be hard, since you’re the best person you know and you know you’re best. It’s surprising you’re not more popular than you already are. Besides which, writing a game like WeeWar is almost as simple as playing it (see previous guides for details).

Follow the steps below, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a god of your own gaming universe:

1. Goals
What are your objectives? How do you establish metrics for success? What is your business plan for commercial expansion and longevity? – are all questions which you can safely ignore. You know what’s wrong with the game, and you know how to make it right. Without pony-trading, 14 different sorts of destroyer and the “sheep on the moor in spring” terrain tile that has been so lacking, the game was never going anywhere. It’s time to redress those disgraceful shortcomings.

2. Design
It’s not only easy to get ideas from everywhere and everyone else, it’s essential. Historians are already chronicling this phenomenon (c.f. “The Death of Original Thought” by William Hogspawn, Archimedes Press, 2005). Since it’s all been done, sample those elements of the games you enjoy, throw ‘em all together and voila, a gaming gumbo to excite and inspire the masses. Don’t worry unduly about the game mechanics or balance, these can easily be disguised by an attractive interface. Some elements are universally acclaimed, so just pop them in to your nascent TBS (Turn Based Strategy):

- Fog of War (FoW). Without this games simply suck. It also means you can introduce reconnaissance units which are always cool and popular. It’s one of the reasons that smoking is now mandatory at all top chess tournaments.
- Fantasy. It’s important to have a fantasy setting, since statistics show more people prefer orcs and elves to troopers and tanks. It’s also less nerdy and more dinner-party credible.
- Battle animations. People absolutely love these, especially long-term players. Each time they play the game they will gasp in awe at your design prowess. There’s no better way to make your game stand out among the crowd and often they’ll be so enraptured by the spectacle that if, for some bizarrely insecure reason, you feel your work of genius has the odd weak spot, rest assured this will hide the blemishes.
- Slick interface. Like everything today, it’s all about looking good and being popular. Ensure there are as many scrolling, sliding elements as possible along with plenty of pop-up windows. DIstribute your gaming information and action buttons round the gaming screen – doesn’t really matter in which order as long as they are attractively arranged. Cool icons are a must – it’s far more important they look good than give any indication of function.
- Features. Features don’t creep, they stride manfully into the arena. Having more than everyone else means that you are better than everyone else. If game X has 2 different sorts of infantry unit, ensure your game has 3 types – or even 4, if you want it to be twice as good – and so on. “Pile them on and pile them high” should be your motto here.
- Flash. It’s essential you use this showcase platform from Adobe Systems. Not only has this accessible and open technology been universally acclaimed and adopted, the new “battle animation” plugin will mean that most of your work is already done for you. You simply cannot create a non-flash interface with Flash. Once again the Adobe Angels deliver in spades…

3. Development
Programming is ludicrously easy – like lawyers, technicians like to obfuscate simple concepts to protect and promote their standing. Nonetheless, you’ll probably be far too busy being cool and popular to undertake these geeky activities. A better solution is to find a willing developer or three – there are plenty lying around in the forums gagging at the chance to spend their time helping you – so point them in the right direction and watch them go. However, some of these free-thinking nerds occasionally have the temerity to think they have some good ideas too, so remember to step in whenever necessary. If you hear some blather about how this or that won’t be possible or will be difficult and/or expensive, ignore it – they’re trying to fool you for their own egotistical ends.

When it comes to delivery platforms and technologies, it’s now widely known that the WTO, FCC, NASA and the Milk Marketing Board have mandated global iPhone adoption by 2012*, so there’s no point in writing for anything else.

4. Release
Once you finish your game, unleash it on an an unsuspecting public. It won’t be long before it garners the attention it deserves. It will be immediately apparent your game is far worthier than anything else out there.

5.Maintenance and improvements
Occasionally you may want to tinker with your creation, if only out of boredom (as a gaming god you started with perfection). People will marvel at your ability to second guess their inner desires, so there is no need to tell anyone what you’re up to and you can be confident that anything you do will be universally respected and adored. Anyway, the masses are too idle and bored not to welcome the distraction of learning something new, and even if you actually remove features or simply want a bit of change for change’s sake, they will welcome the challenge of working it out for themselves and adjusting to your new vision. Don’t worry if the game is a bit buggy, unfinished or non-operational in places – if you can be bothered to address these down the line, you will look like a messiah of munificence.

5. Stakeholder engagement paradigms
While many gaming gods revel in customer-facing roles, you may want to take a break from the unstinting adulation of your fans and disciples. A blog and email form should do suffice for feedback channels. There’s no need to make them visible or obvious, since the masses will either be trotting out the same old sycophancies or making tired and dull suggestions which don’t accord with your clearly superior vision. Concentrate on attracting new players – you’ve got the ones that are already playing, and it’s not as if they’ll be able to find something better to do with their entertainment spend.

6. Summary and conclusion
Following these simple guidelines will mean that you will be able to pop out several award-winning titles each week, not unlike Michael Moorcock used to do with Elric novels. You’ll be rich, have a hoard of fawning acolytes (some of whom might actually be women), and will have succeeded in your life’s every endeavour. A bientot mon dieu des jeux!

*Except for poor people, foreigners and republicans.

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• World of Warcraft hacked through Adobe Flash flaw (destructoid.com)
• WeeWar and Facebook (WeeWarTimes.com)
• Bluffer’s Guide To Weewar (WeeWarTimes.com)
• Bluffer’s Guide To Weewar – Part II (WeeWarTimes.com)

You can now link your WeeWar account to your Facebook account for login and information sharing.  The only thing that I’ve seen so far is the ability to publish open games to your Facebook feed, that looks like this:

might want to avoid special characters.  And appears on your Facebook feed like this:

(note different game here)

I don’t know that this will bring in the new users in droves but it’s sound thinking – friends of gamers will often be gamers themselves.  Just be careful to note that this post to your Facebook page is timestamped and will give you away if you you’re supposed to be doing the dishes. 

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• Forbes: A Year In Review: 2009 Social Marketing Trends (web-strategist.com)
• Facebook Lite is here. Verdict: Better (news.cnet.com)
• Facebook launches safety tips as part of anti-bullying week (guardian.co.uk)

There are many legitimate uses for multiple accounts including but not limited to:

• 2 Pro accounts for more games
• More Map storage
• Map testing
• Playing multiple team members in a team game
• Keeping yourself company on slow days in chat or the forums

Be sure to clearly mark in your profile of your secondary account that it is a secondary account and what your primary account is. This is very important to allow other players to gauge your real skill level. It’s also very important to remember to check your secondary account for games, it can be easy to forget about that other account and leave people hanging waiting on your turn.

Managing your second account is easiest if you use 2 web browsers, but that can leave you without your nice Greasemonkey scripts. Today I can across a very handy little add-on – Multifox – that lets you have different login credentials between tabs Firefox instance windows! Be sure to give it a try, it should let you run 2 accounts within firefox, giving you full access to your scripts without the need to login/logout to get to your second account.

What so you use your multi-account for? Any tips for running multiple accounts?

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• Team Chat Script Available! (WeeWarTimes.com)

2.1 Introduction
Never feel intimidated or stupid: Weewar is no more complex than chess to the nth degree with bases, different colors and some other stuff. It is well within the grasp of your average strategically-shaved simian – and you’re better than that. It’s important to remember: firstly it is far cooler than chess (and the sort of thing you can talk about at dinner parties) and secondly, as a bluffer, your primary goal is to give the appearance of expertise rather than demonstrate genuine talent. Nonetheless, you may be required occasionally to play the odd game.

2.2 Points and Ranking.
A good rank is always a satisfying experience. Each rated loss is a slide down the pole of life, each win a healthy leg up. Ignore the wails from those that claim to prefer unranked matches – they’re either a bunch of lily-livered, tree-cuddling pinko commie liberal hippies who probably spend more time helping old ladies across the road than studying the Arts of War, OR, they have read this guide and are buttering you up.

2.3 Sowing the seeds of victory
To quote the old Cheap Trick lyric, “The victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won”. Find or create maps which are subtly but definitely biased and play these incessantly. Try to make as many maps as possible – this makes you look like you’re helping, while actually making it difficult for your opponents to find fair and unbiased maps. If you’re lacking inspiration or creativity, simply copy someone else’s and pretend it’s your own. Extra points are awarded for maps which are risque, suggestive, or downright insane . You can also start games with a weird selection of available units – usually your opponent will be too trusting to check and may plan their strategy with the assumption that all units are available, giving you that extra edge.

2.4 Droning
Creating extra accounts and playing with yourself is a great way to get ‘up there’ by ‘robbing Peter to pay Paul’. Alternate this tactic with joining multiplayer games as several people and pretending you don’t know each other. Don’t make it too obvious – occasionally beat yourself up a bit to make it look realistic. Additionally, grab a few friends and collude to the same effect. Combining these approaches reaps powerful rewards.

2.5 Distracting the opposition
Don’t greet your opponent in a friendly fashion or try to have a conversation – this only makes you look weak and vulnerable. It’s far better to maintain a mysterious silence – except when it’s their move, when you might be able to distract them or break their concentration by asking fatuous questions.

2.6 Intimidating your opponent(s)
To appear knowledgeable in any discipline, it’s important to use the language of the experts at every opportunity. Familiarize yourself with initialisms such as FTA and learn the abbreviations for the units so you can tell your HAs from your HCs in your sleep (if you ever get stuck, I find using bra sizes helps). Don’t capture bases, ‘activate’ them and learn to distinguish between secondary and primary ones (it’s doesn’t matter which is which, just casually slip it into chat sometime). This all serves to intimidate your opponent and make you look clever (you can also use “gg’ ,which means “good grief” to highlight your opponent’s inadequacies, or deflect attention from your own).

2.7 Booting and skipping
Whenever you have the opportunity, skip or boot a player that has exceeded their time limit. That’s part of the game, and if they can’t make their moves on time, they don’t deserve leniency. It’s war, right? Use the skip option to show you are understanding and generous – it’s pretty much the same as booting someone, but looks far more reasonable.

2.8 Playing the game
Sadly, you will need to understand some aspects of the game. Luckily, you don’t need to know much to get along. Don’t believe the so-called ‘experts’ who will suggest that you need to understand terrain modifiers, multipliers, unit capabilities and counters, or the fact that you need to look more than one move ahead. They’re the sort of people who don’t get invited to dinner parties anyway because they’re too busy at home learning the specs sheet verbatim. Instead, build destroyers if you’ve a port, and troopers, raiders and hovercrafts from your land bases. Pretty much every other unit is useless anyway, so don’t bother.

2.9 What to do if you’re losing
In spite of your preparations, you may occasionally find yourself on the back foot. In these situations don’t panic. First, start slowing down your moves right down so that this frustrates your opponent(s). Then start talking about how the map seems to favor them (even if it’s yours), perhaps mentioning mistakes you made because ‘your boss walked in’ or ’someone came round’. With any luck, your opponents will offer peace out of boredom or sympathy. You can also claim you’re going on holiday for a while, your internet connection will be down for days/weeks/months, or even that your 7-year old son was at your computer for the last move. Use your imagination – there are plenty of options.

Thank you gentle readers! Next installment: Advanced Tips and Tricks

Editor’s note: If you are not a native English speaker, or you are incredibly daft, it may be helpful to note that there are elements of doublespeak, sarcasm, and maybe a few other literary devices I can’t remember the name of, in CCC’s superb post

_______________________________________________

Tired of getting Weewar sand kicked in your face? Embarrassed at dinner parties when the After Eight mints are handed round and talk turns to the game? Feel inadequate that you can’t keep your ranking up? This is the guide for you.

Remember: Weewar, like life, is a struggle for ascendancy and a continual fight to delay the inevitable. We’re all losers in the end…

PART ONE: YOU AND THE COMMUNITY

1.1 Choosing your Weewar username
Pick a name which is suitably belligerent and aggressive: it’s a wargame, not a lovefest. Names like Warmaker and General_Death will strike fear into opponents before the game has started. Pick a name like FluffyBunny or CaptainCupCake and your opponents will subject you to derision and general community humiliation. If you can’t do belligerent, do evil and if you can’t do evil do mysterious, and so on. Just try to stop before you reach Flower_Hugger.

1.2 Profile Information
Never give out any useful personal information on the internet. Avoid putting your time zone, playing preferences, map information or useful links in your profile. Instead, use it to conduct running feuds with community members and maintain blacklists of lamers, spongers and ne’er-do-wells. Or anyone you don’t like or who may be a little bit different than you.

1.3 Interacting with the community
Now you’re safely hidden behind your warlike identity, you can interact with the rest of the community with impunity. Remember to uphold national stereotypes and ridicule foreigners at every opportunity. Blame losses on biased maps or real life distractions – preferably moving the issue to the game forums for peer validation. Try to derail useful, informative threads where possible – this is only going to help out the opposition – and that’s everyone else. I find limericks or puns work for me, but each to his or her own. Jealously hoard whatever knowledge you have of the game for the same reason.

1.4 Getting noticed
In the age of ‘X Factor’, popularity counts for more than talent. Take care to build up your PreferredBys – it’s important that this exceeds your Preferred, so you can look important and popular. Of course, these people are also your opponents and enemies, so it’s important to lie, fawn, wheedle and ingratiate at every opportunity. If necessary, let them win a few unranked games (where it doesn’t matter) to lull them into a false sense of security and friendship. Above all, remember if you’re not number one, you should be and act accordingly!

That’s all for this week folks. Next week: Part Two – Game Basics

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> You’ve discovered this interesting game with interesting geeks to chat, taunt, and joke around with and you really like to blow stuff up! You upgrade to Pro to play more games and get access to the the extra units and maps, you may even have multiple accounts because you just can’t get enough! That’s all fine if you have the time but what do you do when things get busy and you realize that you’ve become hopelessly addicted to the Wee? You try to cut back but you just can’t wait for that next pixel fix!

First off let me say, if you have a serious problem or think you might be addicted then check out On-Line Gamers Anonymous They even have a self-test you can glance at if you think you might have a problem.

Now, if you just find yourself with a milder form of addiction, here are a few things that you can do to help control your play time without retiring or dropping pro and I’d love to hear other suggestions.  Pick and choose what works best for you:

Got any other tips to share?

Map balancing in WeeWar is a tough job and there are many maps out there with varying degrees of bias – generally in favor of blue. Here are five tips to keep you from losing points due to a biased map:

1. Avoid small symmetrical maps with the same starting points (think Aruba). A small map can turn blue’s first move into an easy victory if played correctly (think Aruba) and some players have made a career by exploiting that.
2. Check the distance to "prize" bases.  Another form of first turn bias, the bases in the middle of a map that aren’t intended for either player could cost you the game if your opponent can get, take, and hold them before you would even have a chance.  Think in terms of troopers and hovercraft when looking at the capture and don’t forget how quickly your opponent could get air support in to fight you off.
3. Look at non-capturing units too!  If your opponent can move a raider or aircraft in your way or onto your recently captured base you could be a big disadvantage so don’t only look at the units that can capture.
4. Play both sides.  If something still looks fishy but you can’t nail it down then ask for a rematch with switched colors, or have two games going at once with opposite colors.  If there is a bias at least you’ll both be able to take advantage of it.
5. Check the forums.  You’re not the only one looking for signs of bias so check out this thread in the forums on biased maps

Forewarned is forearmed so pay attention to those 5 points.  Be sure to add maps you think are fair and fun to your favorites and remove any that show a heavy bias.  Do you have any other tips to find bias?